After growing up in a violent and abusive home, 21-year-old Josh describes how normal, everyday parenting things changed his life... You might wanna grab a box of tissues before reading this one Because 21-year-old Joshua Smith’s tribute to his amazing foster parents, Jane and Bill Aiton, is incredibly moving. Their touched response will, if you’re anything like us, also make you blub like a baby. We were especially moved by how appreciative and overwhelmed he was by the little things - simple, normal acts, things we wouldn’t even think twice about doing – purely because he hadn’t experienced them before. Writing for the MailOnline, Joshua bravely revealed the physical and mental abuse he’d suffered as a child, at the hands of his father, until the age of 11. He was regularly beaten with household objects like ashtrays and pool cues, and taunted as ‘worthless’ and ‘unloved’. After his father poured his deceased mother’s ashes over him as a punishment for struggling to eat his dinner, he was able to run away to the local police station, where he was given a social worker and placed into care. Here’s just some of what he wrote about that nerve-wracking first day in the care of new parents Bill and Jane – and you can really feel how the simplest, parental things were completely baffling to him: "When I arrived at your home, I didn’t feel angry, scared or upset — just empty. Somehow, you coaxed me into the living room. "You’d made a buffet so I could pick out what I fancied and eat off my lap. Bill asked did I like football and what sports interested me. Jane said she’d take me shopping for new clothes and a haircut the next day. "I lay in bed that night thinking you were both weird. By then you’d already praised me several times: for finding a way to finally put one foot in front of the other and sit on the sofa; for managing a few mouthfuls of a ham sandwich; for mumbling ‘thank you’ when you handed me a toothbrush.” Joshua writes that praise was completely alien to him – and that he was used to words spoken by adults being not so nice at all. “Yet the last ones I heard Jane speak as she switched off my bedroom light at the end of that first day with you were: ‘Good night, God bless.’” "I lay in the dark wondering why anyone would want to say something so kind and warm to me. I decided you must have been talking to someone else." At the end of that week Bill gave me my pocket money,” he continued. “He already felt like a father figure to me — kind, gentle and offering the very best example of how to be a man. "It was a fiver and the first money I’d had money of my own. I went straight out and bought a potted plant. "As I handed Jane that plant it was my way of saying: ‘Please, can I stay?’” Sorry, we’re going to pause here to wipe our eyes a bit “You shared a life with me I always thought was meant for other children. Holidays abroad, tickets to Premiership football games and lovely family meals out. “It was the little daily acts of kindness that made me feel truly wanted and safe — leaving clean pyjamas on my pillow, helping me with my homework and taking me for check-ups with the dentist. “What is the norm for most people felt, to me, like great gifts.” Joshua went on to thank Jane and Bill for teaching him how to eat properly, how to talk, and for encouraging him throughout the 5 years he stayed there. In response, the couple wrote back: "You were only the third child to come to us after Jane gave up her job as a marketing manager so that we could become foster parents. “We opened our front door to a pale, thin and desperately tired little boy, clutching a carrier bag that contained a few pieces of underwear. It was all you’d taken from your old home. “We remember that lovely plant you bought us - it was a pink cyclamen in a lovely pale blue pot. “It was all Jane could do to avoid shedding a tear when you handed it to her. As we both did reading your beautiful letter. “We’ll never forget the day you turned to Jane and asked: ‘Who are you saying: “Goodnight, God Bless” to each night?’ “You seemed amazed when she insisted that those words really were for you - it was humbling to see how deeply they touched you. “We’re so proud of the life you’re making for yourself, Josh. You’ve just passed your driving test and you’ve got a lovely girlfriend, your own home and plans for the future." Our hearts just burst when we read the love and mutual respect between foster parents and foster son We’re especially happy that they’ve stayed in contact, and that Josh’s life really is on the up and up. The real reason we wanted to share this story, though, is that it’s an important reminder of just how much the little things can mean. Saying goodnight, reading a story, a little treat here or there – now, we can see just how much impact they can make on a child’s life. Source: http://www.madeformums.com Anthony Douglas writes about the problems facing the care system and potential ways to fix them. At Cafcass recently we have been trying to better understand the lessons that data can tell us to improve systems in a period of limited resources. While there are all sorts of lessons in the regional variation data around court processes, timeframes and local authority results, we also need to be mindful of the national lessons this data highlights. Chief among these is the inexorable rise in the numbers of children in care in England. The number of care applications received by Cafcass is currently tipping 14,000, compared with around 6,500 10 years ago. The main drivers of this huge rise include:
By and large this means better outcomes for children but this will only be the case if their care plans meet their long-term needs. This is where the real issue lies for the care system at the moment. The resourcing of care plans, including placements and therapeutic care, is not keeping pace with the number of children coming into the care system. Other systemic shortages include the number of foster carers, adopter and secure accommodation beds. I think we need to approach some of these resource shortages by revisiting some of our current assumptions. For example, we could recruit more foster carers and adoptive parents in their 50s and 60s. By and large these are an excluded group, with older carers only being approved as an exception. But there are many older experienced parents with a proven track record in caring for children and who understand children. ‘Isolated nuclear family model’ Training and mentoring can help potential older carers understand the needs of children who have been neglected, abused or traumatised, just as new younger carers are helped. Active and fit older parents can often bring a network of support with them – relatives and friends – who can become a family, team or community raising a vulnerable child or young person. With the busy lives parents lead today, all children benefit from having a small pool of caring adults who can help to look after them. An isolated nuclear family model is a far more difficult caring proposition. Inclusive parenting is a safeguard for children, which is why disputes in private law cases are so unfortunate for children – the children involved would benefit dramatically from an absence of conflict and building up relationships with a wide adult network of families and friends. To recruit the foster carers and adoptive parents we need in the future, agencies including local authorities should reach out to groups they have ignored before or not communicated effectively with. Older parents as a group in society have a seriously untapped capability. We should actively seek their engagement and put them through the same rigorous process as everyone else, but without a bias against age. With 50% of babies born today likely to live to 100, we need to think of 50 and 60-somethings as at the tail end of middle age, not as being on the edge of old age. Many 50 or 60-somethings take up volunteering as a way of helping them to navigate the potential cliff-edge of retirement. Instead, we should try and communicate that becoming foster carers or adoptive parents could be a positive retirement option, for those who would like to spend two decades or more helping some of the most vulnerable children in the country. Source: http://www.communitycare.co.uk The outcome of the investigation below relates to the fostering case that was covered heavily in the media from late August, 2017. See our statement at the time.
The MGM has been distressed and angered by the allegations against the foster carers which she has said were false and lies. She has a good relationship with the carers and is grateful for the excellent care she says that they have provided to the child. The child has told the MGM that she is missing the foster carer and has asked the MGM if she can have contact with the family. Although the mother disputes the findings, the Local Authority is satisfied that at all times the foster carers provided warm and appropriate care to the child. The Local Authority has been impressed with the care and commitment shown by the carers to the child. This is reflected in the child’s description and reaction to the carers and the MGM’s positive relationship with them. The Local Authority remains concerned that the mother and contact workers were questioning the child repeatedly during contact about her foster carers. Enquiries into this are taking place. The Local Authority does not accept the allegations as made in the National press for the reasons set out above. Source: https://www.towerhamlets.gov.uk Scheme helping 1,000 carers announced as government prepares to hear ruling of court case regarding end of the Dubs scheme The government has announced specialist training for 1,000 foster carers looking after unaccompanied migrant children, ahead of a key court ruling on a decision to wind up a scheme under which child refugees are brought to the UK. The announcement comes as ministers face criticism for the UK’s failure to accept any child refugees from Greece or Italy since the Dubs scheme to help settle lone child asylum seekers was created last year. Only 200 vulnerable children have been brought to the UK under the scheme; a further 280 places offered by councils around the UK are currently unfilled. A court case brought by the charity Help Refugees will rule on Thursday morning on the legality of a government decision not to continue with the Dubs scheme, designed to bring vulnerable refugee children in Europe to the UK. The charity launched a legal challenge in the summer on whether the government had failed to implement the Dubs amendment properly. A court case brought by the charity Help Refugees will rule on Thursday morning on the legality of a government decision not to continue with the Dubs scheme, designed to bring vulnerable refugee children in Europe to the UK. The charity launched a legal challenge in the summer on whether the government had failed to implement the Dubs amendment properly. Robert Goodwill, minister for children and families, said: “Child refugees are some of the most vulnerable in our country and it is vital that we support them as they build safer lives, often in the care of new families. Foster carers do an incredible job, but they must have tailored support to help them deal with the complex needs of these children.” The new training scheme for foster carers and support workers will get £200,000 in funding between 2017 and 2019, the government said. An additional £60,000 investment will provide a package of revised guidance, information and resources for councils. Immigration minister Brandon Lewis said: “Last year almost 3,000 unaccompanied children claimed asylum in the UK and they all require ongoing care and protection.” The government’s new safeguarding strategy on unaccompanied asylum seeking and refugee children received a qualified welcome from charities supporting refugee children. Ilona Pinter, from the Children’s Society, said it was a constructive move, but that she was worried that the “government has not committed to reviewing access to legal aid for unaccompanied children’s immigration applications to remain in the UK”. These issues, as well as post-Brexit arrangements for child refugees, will be debated in parliament later on Thursday. Around 200 migrant children hoping to travel to the UK are currently sleeping rough in Calais and nearby port towns. Roughly a third are believed to have family in the UK. The French government this week opened a temporary centre for unaccompanied child refugees in the town, a year after the informal camp that housed 10,000 migrants by the French port was demolished, according to the British charity Safe Passage, which campaigns for safe legal routes for refugees seeking protection. Run by the French children’s charity France Terre d’Asile, the centre will offer around 20 places and is expected to be temporary, according to Safe Passage’s French-based staff. No official announcement has been made about the centre’s opening, although it is understood to have allowed some children in on Monday. The centre is designed to accommodate young people hoping to be reunited with family in the UK and those deemed eligible to come to the UK under the Dubs scheme, the charity said. The decision to open the centre is a significant move, given the reluctance of French authorities to create any kind of centre that might attract more migrants to the port. It will mean that those young people housed there will no longer have to sleep in the bushes around the port. Since the camp’s demolition last year, local police have routinely removed tents and any semi-permanent structures from the woods on the town’s outskirts, leaving migrants to live in the open, with no access to sanitation, tents, showers or food. Alf Dubs, who arrived as a child in the UK as a kindertransport refugee and who persuaded the government to set up the scheme for unaccompanied child refugees (which was originally designed to help up to 3,000 children), said: “The development of a centre near Calais is welcome, but it must be permanent and provide legal support to children trying to access safe and legal routes to Britain. “We must put an end to desperate children jumping on lorries, risking their lives and others as they seek to reach their loved ones – as is their legal right.” Source: https://www.theguardian. |
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