Member News from Young People at Heart: Being there for these siblings through their ups and downs has been a privilege

Have you considered the possibility of fostering a sibling group? It can be a journey marked by both trials and triumphs. While it’s true that fostering siblings comes with its share of complexities, managing different personalities, addressing past traumas, and balancing individual needs, it’s also a profoundly rewarding experience. Witnessing the resilience and bond between siblings as they navigate life’s challenges together is nothing short of inspiring.

One of our foster carers shared her experience of fostering two brothers for 3 years.

“My journey as a foster carer for two brothers has been an eye-opening experience filled with highs and lows. Every day brings new lessons. From the very beginning, I knew fostering siblings would come with its unique set of hurdles. Helping them adjust to a new environment, addressing any past traumas, whilst managing their often-difficult relationship with each other, has been a delicate balancing act. Yet, seeing their resilience during what has been a difficult time, has been nothing short of inspiring.

When they first arrived, the eldest had very little confidence in himself, he would hold his head low, often hiding himself with his hood up, and rarely removed his jacket. It almost felt that he was worn down, wanting to hide himself from everyone, avoiding them seeing him.  Slowly but surely, his confidence grew.  He went from not believing in himself, not even wanting to attempt to apply for Head Boy in school, to applying and being nominated.  This was a proud moment for him, and for me. 

The youngest of the two struggled too.  He had an insecure attachment, often seeking attachment wherever possible.  This often resulted in unwanted behaviours, sometimes aimed at me, or his brother.  With the support of Young People at Heart, I learnt more about therapeutic parenting approaches, in particular the PACE approach developed by Dan Hughes, and this enabled me to find ways to help him.  I was able to find ways of connecting, before correcting, and providing lots of empathy and curiosity to every situation.  I had to nurture him as if he was a toddler again to help fill the gaps he had missed in early life.

Sure, there were times when disagreements arose, and moods flared, but it’s all part of the journey. Guiding them through these challenges and teaching them how to communicate and compromise has been both challenging and fulfilling. But amidst the tough times are countless moments of joy and connection. Whether it’s celebrating birthdays, cheering them on at sports events, or simply sharing stories around the dinner table, these moments remind me why I became a foster carer in the first place.

Another challenge I faced was navigating family time with birth parents.  Initially, I had attempted to gain a healthy, positive, and professional relationship with both birth parents, however, over time, it proved difficult.  Often birth parents can understandably struggle with the care systems, they can feel decisions are unjust and struggle with the loss of the care of their children.  At times, the frustration was unfortunately aimed at me. This was a difficult time; I wanted to maintain a good relationship as I knew this would be of most benefit to the boys.  However, I eventually had to accept that this was not always going to be possible.

Family time can often be a difficult time for the young people too. They are left with overwhelming feelings of guilt, and divided loyalties, not wanting to hurt their parent, nor their foster carer.  It takes lots of reassurance and understanding to help them through.

After 3 years, I have recently had the amazing experience of supporting and transitioning the boys back to their birth dad.  Having been able to maintain a positive relationship with dad, and with the Local Authorities input, the decision was made for a careful transition plan for them to reunited.  This was a special moment for everyone, me, the boys, and for dad.  It makes my heart burst to know that the boys will live a life with their family.  I have continued to keep in touch with the boys and their dad, offering him advice and support to ensure that reunification continues to be positive.  I know caring for them can be challenging at times and recognise the importance of having invaluable support from people around you.

Being there for these siblings through their ups and downs has been a privilege. Providing them with stability, love, and a sense of belonging has been my greatest reward. And as I watch them grow and flourish, I’m reminded that family isn’t just about blood, it’s about the bonds we create and the love we share.

So, to anyone considering fostering siblings, know that while it may not always be easy, the impact you’ll make on their lives is immeasurable. Through the challenges and triumphs, you’ll be helping to shape and create a brighter future.”

Source: 
www.youngpeopleatheart.org

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